Hello hi how are you.
In my other life, which is my “real life,” the life from which this blog usually serves as a wonderful distraction, I work with a bunch of amazing people at All* Above All to dismantle the Hyde Amendment and other barriers to abortion coverage.
Did you know that from September 25-October 1 people across the country are coming together to for United for Abortion Coverage Week of Action? People are going to be greening out in neon to show support for lifting bans that deny abortion coverage for low income women. Look, this person already painted a rock and it’s only the first day:
Now there are many ways you can get involved by changing your profile picture or signing up. If in addition to those things, you want to desolately make a cocktail for yourself (or socially, with like friends), here are a few green recipes to help you out.
I started testing recipes alone on Saturday night, because my social life is amazing.
Actually, it’s because our whole team has been working our asses off on this for this Week of Action for months and months, and the day before it started, I kind of just wanted to sit at home and booze by myself to chill.
But instead I made a huge mess, and by the end I was too bleary-eyed to clean it up.
I also made a dud drink, because I thought apple and kiwi puree would be just so obviously delicious but actually it was disgusting, and as a bonus, after my lips and, inexplicably, my wrists got red and itchy, I also unfortunately learned that I’m allergic to kiwis. I wish I could say that I immediately stopped drinking it when I started to itch, but alas, I continued to sip it until it became unbearable.
I did, however, manage to get myself up this morning and continue my drink mixing, until I really did come up with a superb list of options. I’m going to start with my favorite – a little liquid courage when you’re in the midst of struggle.
#1: Brave Juice
This one is actually a near complete ripoff of a cocktail featured in Food and Wine that is a fancier and more delicious version of a Green Lantern, an abomination of a drink, if you ask me. I’ve basically copied the fancy version – which is gorgeous and delicious – except that I’ve just made a few notes along the way. It’s absolutely delicious and very easy to make and I think does the best job of achieving our special neon green. It gets its green from kiwis. (I haven’t fully accepted the fact that I can’t eat them, so I’m just sitting here, slowly sipping my cocktail, monitoring for any signs of anaphylaxis. I didn’t say I had good judgment.)
Because the ingredients in this can vary a lot, you’ll really have to taste as you go. For example, kiwis can be very mild or very acidic, and you’ll have to adjust the lime and the simple syrup to adjust. Same with wines – they can vary in acidity and in sugar content. The recipe calls for Viognier wine – a favorite of mine – whose telltale is its body (full) and and it’s reminiscence of white flowers like honeysuckle or jasmine or gardenia. If you sub in another white wine that’s easier to find, I would suggest a Riesling (if you get a sweet Riesling, make sure to adjust the simple syrup) or something fruity instead of something mineraly/crisp.
Makes 1 cocktail
1 ripe juicy kiwi or 2 less juicy kiwis, peeled, and diced
1/4 oz simple syrup (I used simple syrup infused with orange peel because that’s what I had leftover from a popsicle recipe)
1 1/2 ounces gin
1 ounce chilled Viognier
1/2 ounce fresh lime juice
In a cocktail shaker, muddle the kiwi and simple syrup using a muddler or a spoon. Add the remainder of the ingredients and shake until chilled. Strain into a glass through a fine strainer – not just the cocktail strainer – and make sure you really push the solids to get all of the liquid out. (The glass can be chilled and stemmed if you’re fancy, or just a rocks glass with a bird on it if you’re afraid of spilling every sip, like I am). Enjoy with pinky extended, and while you’re at it, donate to your local abortion fund.
#2: Dead Henry
Did you know that in a past life, I used to judge BBQ competitions, and that as a result of having to judge the abysmal “Blood Mary” portion (which was the “afterthought portion” for every competitor worth their woodchips) I concocted an award-winning Bloody Mary recipe of my own? Well I did. No this isn’t it. You’ll have to do terrible things to me if you want to get that recipe out of me.
But this one is pretty dang good. I’ve called it a Dead Henry, because fuck that guy. It uses tomatillos as well as a bunch of other green ingredients. If you’ve never worked with tomatillos, they’re NOT the same as green tomatoes, but rather a member of the gooseberry family. They’re responsible for the “verde” part of verde salsa, verde enchiladas etc. I tested this a few different ways – using raw tomatillos versus cooked, etc and they all tasted pretty good. If you had a juicer, I would highly recommend passing all of the vegetable matter through the juicer rather than dealing with straining it after you’ve pureed – it would make this much quicker, and you wouldn’t have to contend with tomato skins, which annoy me. But even with the straining, it’s very easy. This tastes very similar to a regular Bloody Mary, but somehow just brighter, as the color would suggest. Tomatillos ARE like tomatoes in that they tend to vary quite a bit – some are sweeter, some are more acidic and lemony. So you’ll have to taste as you go and adjust for balance.
Don’t be intimidated by the ingredient list. All of this should be readily available at the grocery store and they’re mostly things that I like having around the house anyway. You should consider making a pitcher of it if you’re going to go through the trouble of procuring everything, but that assumes you have friends. If you don’t have friends and you’re going to make a pitcher for yourself to swig, lonely, from your refrigerator door for days and days, I wouldn’t put the horseradish in until just before you serve. It tends to get bitter over time in the drink.
Makes 1 large (12 oz) drink
3 medium tomatillos, husks discarded + rinsed
5 small yellow grape tomatoes
1/2 tsp prepared horseradish
1/4 jalapeno (this is really to taste – sometimes they can be very mild and sometimes blazing hot)
1/2 tsp ground celery seed (I actually put closer to 1/4 because I love celery seed)
1 stalk celery (you can sub this with peeled cucumber and add more celery seed if you like)
2 sprigs cilantro including stems
1 or 2 tsp lime (to taste)
1/4 tsp dijon mustard
1 tsp worcestershire sauce
1 Tbsp pickle juice (less is also fine, depending on how tart your tomatillos are)
1/8 tsp salt
a few turns finely ground black pepper
a few dashes of verde hot sauce (like Green Tabasco or Verde Cholula)
Alcohol of your choice, at the amount of your choice (1 1/2 ounces is standard): Vodka for something more traditional. Or Tequila for an Enrique Muerto. Or none at all – this is delicious all by itself.
To garnish: Celery stalk, olive, lime slice, pickle, shrimp, a piece of beef jerky, a sole of an old shoe, whatever you want.
First blanch the tomatillos. Basically what this means is boil water in a pot and put the tomatillos in the boiling water for about 4 minutes. This isn’t critical, but I find it helps unlocks the juices of the tomatillos. Let them cool.
You *may* also blanch your tomatoes in order to remove the peels. You’ve already boiled the water anyway. I did not do this, because I’m lazy, but it’s actually pretty easy. I can’t stand tomato skins, so I just passed all of my shit through a food mill to remove them, but I’m assuming you don’t have one of those. A juicer will do it too, as recommended above.
Now, just put everything except the garnishes and the booze in a blender. I’m using my Nutribullet because I’m only making one drink, but you should use a large blender if you’re making a pitcher as I suggested above.
Now, blend until very very smooth. Like SUPER smooth!! Taste. How’s it tasting? Need to add anything? More celery seed? More salt? More lime?
Now, pass it through a sieve. I like my blood mary mixes thick, but not smoothie-like, so I pass 3/4 of mine through a sieve, pressing on all of the solids with a ladle until all of the juices come through, and then I mixed in the remaining unstrained mix.
Now pour over ice into a glass, stir in your booze, and garnish to your heart’s content.
This one’s really easy, and it’s a virgin drink, and it’s got not sugar, so it’s basically a health food.
1 can chilled LaCroix Passionfruit Selzer, which Ravina is obsessed with.
To make this, just brew a very strong cup of the green tea (1 tea bag in a 1/4 cup of boiling water). Once brewed, pour over ice. Add seltzer to fill glass. Enjoy!
If you can’t find Passionfruit, this also tastes nice with Apricot seltzer. I have also been wanting to try an earl grey green tea with coconut seltzer, so do me a favor and try that one and get back to me.
#4: Basket of Deplorables
1 oz Fireball
1 oz Bacardi 151
1/2 oz Goldschläger
1/2 oz Watermelon Pucker
1/2 can Red Bull
Dash of leftover contents of vape pen
Add everything to a cocktail shaker with ice, shake vigorously, go outside and pour down the drain into the sewer where it belongs.
Ok, don’t make that one, it’s a joke, just like the presidential candidate to whom it refers.
Post anything you make on social media with the hashtags #BeBoldEndHyde and #United4Coverage so we can see all of your bold drink choices. xoxo